


Shall I Stay? (would it be a sin?)

by punk_rock_yuppie



Series: fools rush in [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anniversaries, Established Relationship (Sara/Shane), F/M, Get Together Fic (Shyanara), It becomes requited later, M/M, Multi, Pining, Podfic Welcome, Polyamory, Unrequited Love (Shyan), companion fic, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 20:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16025696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punk_rock_yuppie/pseuds/punk_rock_yuppie
Summary: Sara and Shane come back from vacation wearing matching plain silver bands on their right ring fingers.





	Shall I Stay? (would it be a sin?)

**Author's Note:**

> so i wanted to fill the 'confetti' prompt for the shyan scavenger hunt and my brain started screaming at me to write either a prequel or a sequel to [darling, so it goes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15793218). decided to write both and make 'em from ryan's pov, and smash 'em together into one thing. so most of this takes place before _darling_ , the last scene takes place after. 
> 
> big thanks to hannah for beta'ing, and thanks to everyone in the discord who cheered this fic on!
> 
> enjoy!

~~~~

Sara and Shane come back from vacation wearing matching plain silver bands on their right ring fingers.

Ryan’s breathing stops in his chest. He’s sitting at his desk and he’s been waiting all morning to hear from Shane. He wasn’t even sure the other guy would be coming into work. He’d only gotten sporadic, short messages the entire duration of Shane and Sara’s vacation—only a week, but it felt like a year—and hasn’t heard from Shane since the night before, just before their flight took off.

Shane and Sara are smiling and nodding and clearly accepting congratulations. A million emotions hit Ryan at once. Why didn’t Shane tell him? Why didn’t Shane mention he was thinking of proposing? Why didn’t Shane at least shoot him a text or _something_ , anything to indicate “hey man, just proposed!”

Ryan swallows dry and his throat clicks uncomfortably. He scrambles for his coffee and gulps down the gritty, lukewarm liquid. He looks back at his computer screen but all the words look like worms and all the pictures look blurry. There’s a dull roar in his ears and tears pricking at his eyes.

He lets out a shaky sigh and forces himself to stand. His legs quake as he walks over to where Shane and Sara are standing. Shane’s eyes snap to him in a split second and Shane breaks into a grin, one Ryan can’t quite bring himself to mirror. Like some sort of spell, the crowd that’s gathered around the happy couple disperses as Ryan approaches.

“So,” Ryan says as he looks pointedly at their hands, the silver bands gleaming in the mid-morning light. “This is new.”

Shane laughs and pink dusts Sara’s cheeks. “Yeah. It’s, it’s new,” Shane agrees. He swings an arm around Sara’s shoulders and tugs her against him. “It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, but also not.”

Sara smiles up at him before looking at Ryan. “We didn’t want to post about it before we got home.”

“Right, totally.” Ryan nods. He still can’t look away from their rings. “Did you guys get pics at least? I gotta hear the whole story!” It’s like his voice is disconnected from his brain and is _much_ more confident and _much_ less hurt.

“Duh,” Shane says. “It was pretty beautiful, if I do say so myself.”

Sara hums. “It was alright.”

“Sara!” Shane gasps in mock-offense. “You wound me.”

Sara leans up and brushes a kiss over Shane’s jaw and Ryan suddenly feels as though he’s intruding. In his chest, his heart aches with every rapid-fire beat. “It was great, babe,” Sara assures.

Shane preens goofily, his grin splitting wide and toothy. “Thanks,” he says, doing a pleased little shimmy. Sara rolls her eyes and shoots Ryan a fond grin as if to say, _‘can you believe this idiot?'_

Ryan smiles back with a happiness he doesn’t quite feel.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Sara and Shane eventually go their separate ways to work on their respective projects, but Shane never stops smiling. Ryan doesn’t think he’s seen Shane this happy since Ruining History got picked up for another season. It doesn’t help that people keep coming by their desks to offer congratulations, promising to take Shane out for drinks or dinner or something.

Ryan smiles along and laughs and pats Shane on the back, all the while simmering in his own misery. By the end of the day he’s ready to tear his hair out, so he doesn’t even care that Shane looks vaguely hurt when Ryan turns down an invite to drinks.

“Oh,” Shane says. “Me and Sara were hoping—?”

“Sorry, man,” Ryan cuts across him. “I’m just not feeling up to it.” Ryan grins again but it feels brittle on his face. He reaches out and claps Shane on the shoulder. “Maybe some other time.”

Shane stares at him and nods. “Okay. Sure. Get home safe.”

Ryan’s heart skips a beat in his chest and tears burn at the corners of his eyes again. “Course, man.” He waves a little; it takes every ounce of his self-control not to bolt out of the office. He barely restrains himself to an even, brisk pace and he stumbles into the elevator gasping for air.

He slams the button to close the doors and leans against the opposite end of the elevator. He tilts his head to the fluorescent lights and sighs. A weak sob catches in his throat and Ryan swallows it down.

He should be happy. He can finally put his feelings to rest—the feelings that have been raging within him for the better part of two years. The feelings that scream _you’re in love with your best friend, who’s taken, if you need a reminder_. Which, Ryan has never needed a reminder. He’s always liked Sara and has always liked her and Shane together. At first it was never a problem; Ryan considered his attraction to Shane as more of an abstract thing. More due to proximity than anything else.

But as time has gone by, Ryan’s been forced to concede that’s not the case. He’s well and truly fucked, because he’s deeply in love with Shane, and that ship has long since sailed.

The elevator dings as it hits the first floor and Ryan’s off like a shot. He doesn’t even remember walking back to his car. Everything passes in a haze, including the drive home. He bursts into his apartment and falls onto his couch with a sigh. He almost misses his roommates, hates that a year back he’d felt sharing a house with a bunch of his bros was feeling too claustrophobic.

Now he feels too alone, his apartment too empty and filling up rapidly with his spiraling thoughts.

Another sob latches in his throat like thorns on a rose stem, and Ryan finally lets himself cry.

 

 

He gets better, after that, through sheer force of will alone. He knows he can’t stay hung up on his feelings forever, and he could never bring himself to even think of resenting Shane. Shane’s happy, Shane _deserves_ to be happy—Sara too. So Ryan buries his emotions (and if sometimes he buries them in some expensive beer and even pricier whiskey, no one needs to know) and resolves to become the best god damn groomsman this side of the Mississippi.

At first, Shane seems perturbed by the sudden change, but the shock fades. Shane glady ropes Ryan into wedding plans; Sara’s all too happy to include him, too. If anything, they’re spending more time together than ever and it hurts worse than anything Ryan’s ever known, but it’s also some of the most fun he’s had in a long time.

Eventually, Ryan adjusts to the glint of silver on Shane’s and Sara’s fingers. It stops cutting quite so deep when he sees it damn near every day. He gets used to the way Shane and Sara talk about maybe buying a house or at least finding somewhere bigger to rent. They talk about adopting more cats, and Ryan wonders if they’ll start talking kids at some point.

One day, almost eight months later, when the wedding is only a few weeks off, they’re all sitting down for dinner together. The dining room table is stacked with dozens of wedding pamphlets and binders full of ideas. Ryan never would’ve pegged these two to go so hard on plans, but it’s endearing. Especially since they’ve allowed Ryan to tag along for so much of it. Hell, they’d even asked for his opinion on cake flavors, which still rattles him two months down the line.

The point is, they’re all sat down for dinner when Ryan brings it up. He waits until Sara clears her plate and slips out for a shower, then he turns to Shane.

“Hey,” Ryan starts.

Shane’s smile is tired. “Yeah?”

“After the wedding, you know. I’m gonna stay out of your guys’ hair.” Ryan bites the inside of his cheek as the words literally feel like ash in his mouth.

“What?” Shane blinks at him. His sloth-like, endearingly slow expression looks even more perplexed than usual.

“Y’know, I’m really grateful you guys have let me be a part of this. It’s been so much fun.” Ryan’s talking faster than he can think and he’s deadly afraid that he’s going to say something he’d rather keep under wraps.

“Uh huh,” Shane replies slowly.

“But, uh, I figure you guys will want some time together. Just the two of you, right?” Ryan doesn’t bother waiting for an answer. “So, y’know. I’ll get out of your hair.” Ryan plasters on a smile the minute the words leave his mouth.

A heavy awkward beat passes before Shane smiles back. He still looks confused, but he doesn’t say anything except, “Okay.”

 

 

Ryan’s _drunk_. Shane’s _drunk_. Sara is also probably _drunk_ , but her bachelorette party is somewhere else so Ryan can’t be sure. All he does know for sure is that he’s shitfaced and so is Shane and they haven’t been further apart than a foot the entire evening. Ryan feels warm from the inside-out and even though the wedding is in fourteen hours, he’s never been happier.

“Ryan,” Shane slurs in his ear.

“Hey, man,” Ryan says. He turns and faces Shane and lets his gaze drop to Shane’s lips—an indulgence he hasn’t allowed himself in months. He’s been steadily packing away all his romantic feelings for Shane, never to be seen again, but tonight’s been plucking emotions from their boxes bit by bit.

“You’re important to me, you know that?”

Ryan laughs. “I know. I don’t think I’d be one of your groomsmen if I wasn’t.”

“Scott’s gotta be my best man, but if I didn’t have a brother, it’d be you.”

It’s something Shane has mentioned before but it never fails to thrill Ryan. “I appreciate that, dude.”

Shane grins at him. His eyes crease at the corners and he leans forward. He presses his forehead to Ryan’s and the air between them is overwhelmingly boozy and sticky-sweet like grenadine.

Ryan’s eyes lock with Shane’s for a long, heavy second. It feels like it goes on for eons, just the two of them breathing each other in and not saying anything. Ryan lets himself soak in the feeling. Shane’s close enough to touch, and it’s satisfying even if Ryan doesn’t _let_ himself actually reach out. Their foreheads pressed together is plenty; it’ll tide him over for as long as he needs.

For one moment, Ryan lets himself imagine kissing Shane. He shudders and pulls away.

“Let’s get some more alcohol in you,” Ryan declares.

Shane blinks at him before nodding eagerly. “Hell yeah.”

 

 

Ryan has known for four months that he was going to use his Unsolved theory voice in his toast at the reception. It’s so worth it for the laughter that erupts and the smile that overtakes Shane’s face for a split second. Ryan loses himself in his speech even though he’s read and reread it a dozen times. He’d refused to read it to Shane the night before, as they holed up in a hotel room together with Sara a few floors up. It’d felt too raw, then. Out of place. Now, it feels right, even as it aches.

After he finishes his speech, he walks over and hugs Shane. There’s a glazed look in his friend’s eye as Shane says, “thanks, man.”

“You totally zoned out, don’t lie.” Ryan’s voice shakes.

“It wasn’t because of you.” Shane’s words don’t ring true but Ryan doesn’t push. “I just… realized something. Got distracted.”

Ryan pulls back and holds up his cue cards of notes. “It’s all right here if you wanna read it.”

“Maybe you can read it for me again, later.”

Heat strikes through Ryan along with a healthy dose of anxiety. “Uh. Sure.”

“Thank you,” Shane says again.

The night passes in the same weird but oddly perfect way. Ryan watches Sara and Shane dance their first dance as a married couple and maybe, just maybe, sheds a tear or two. There’s snacks and stolen bites of cake and then more dancing.

Ryan dances with Sara and she shoots him these _looks_ under her long eyelashes. Her grin is glossy and curved and even when their dancing is rambunctious and crazed, there’s a sort of tenderness in the way she clings to him. He’s reluctant to let go of her but when it’s a matter of reaching for Shane instead, it’s not so bad.

“Go have fun,” Sara says.

Ryan shoots her a confused look and so does Shane, but then they’re stumbling out to the dancefloor. It’s awkward and silly and Ryan doesn’t know what he was thinking trying to have Shane lead. (Or, he does. It’s that Shane did such a good job with Sara that maybe Ryan thought it’d be the same for them. It’s not, but that’s not a bad thing either).

Afterwards, after Sara says, “you two looked good out there,” and Ryan replies, “he’s not so bad these days,” and after Ryan leaves to get snacks and comes back to Shane looking determined and saying, “Okay, I can do this,” and after he bickers lightly with Sara—after all that, Shane hauls him close, right up against his side.

“Yeah,” Shane says. “Both of you.”

And it feels like a promise.

 

 

 

Ryan coughs as something flutters into his mouth. He twists and writhes in the sheets, feeling distinctly tangled, and coughs more as whatever papery thing that’s in his mouth starts to go thin and wet on his tongue. “What the fuck,” he mumbles, but it sounds more like senseless noise. There’s laughing around him—above him and beside him all at once. Eventually, he’s able to spit out the stuff in his mouth (is that _confetti_ , what the _fuck_?) and looks up to see Sara standing over him.

Sara’s grinning and in her hands is an empty bucket. All across the bed, including on Ryan and Shane, is a fuckton of confetti. It’s rainbow-colored and vibrant on their slate gray sheets. It rustles as Ryan shifts around and Shane starts to wake.

“Sara, what the fuck?” Ryan asks. He brushes the tickling little sheets of paper off his bare chest. “Did you know about this?” He asks as he turns to face Shane.

Shane still looks heavy with sleep and his grin says as much. “Yeah,” he says. “S’our anniversary.”

Ryan blinks and his heart stutters in his chest. “What?”

“Surprise!” Sara crows, tossing the plastic bucket aside. She clambers back onto the bed and idly, Ryan wonders how he ever missed her slipping from their California king. She usually sleeps either crammed between them or entirely on top of one of them, so her leaving the bed is hard to miss. He’s pretty sure the t-shirt hanging loosely off her skinny frame is actually Ryan’s

“Happy anniversary,” she says with a delighted grin as she leans in to kiss Ryan first.

Ryan kisses her back a little absently. He’s faintly aware of his morning breath but Sara evidently doesn’t care. She cups his jaw and smiles into the kiss until really, they’re just grinning against each other rather than actually kissing.

“Happy anniversary?” He replies.

“One year,” Shane says as he finally sits up.

“One year?” Ryan echoes.

Sara nods. “For us,” she says as she gestures to the three of them.

Ryan furrows his brow and reaches for his phone on the bedside table. “Isn’t this,” he pauses as the screen lights up and shows him the date. “Isn’t this your wedding anniversary?” He turns back to them even more confused than ever.

“It is.” Shane kisses Ryan this time and Ryan can’t help but melt into it. Then Shane kisses Sara and they share a little private grin.

“We didn’t start dating until, uh.” Ryan swallows as the memory returns to him, warm and fuzzy and wonderful. It was the day Shane and Sara got back from their honeymoon, and they’d wasted no time in asking Ryan to be with them. They’d all but broken into his apartment in their haste to talk to him.

“Yeah,” Sara says. “But we knew, a year ago today. Shane realized it during your speech at the reception.”

“You did?” Ryan asks.

Shane shrugs sheepishly. “Yeah.”

Ryan swallows. His throat is dry and his heart is hammering and his head is swimming. “I mean, I _thought_ something was different, but…”

Shane kisses him again, and then Sara leans in and sneaks a kiss from Ryan. They take turns, both of them kissing Ryan almost frantically. Ryan quickly feels overwhelmed and delighted. He reaches out and curls a hand around Shane’s shoulder, one around Sara’s wrist.

“You guys… really?”

Sara and Shane nod at the same time. “We knew. We talked about it almost the entire honeymoon.” Sara speaks as she shoots a grin at Shane.

“You two really didn’t waste any time,” Ryan adds.

Sara snorts. “What would’ve been the point? We knew what we wanted.”

Ryan looks between the two of them and feels impossibly cared for under their dual gazes. “Both of you,” he asks, but it’s not really a question.

Shane grins. Together, he and Sara reply—

“Both of us.”


End file.
